You’re Just Going to Get Overwhelmed.
Having a lot of friends and a lot of wonderful hobbies may lead you to believe that dating is just a matter of having lots of fun with your friends. Truthfully, though, it’s not.
Yes, there are plenty of extracurricular activities, but most of these activities have their deadlines, and it’s impossible to find someone who will love you for your moose antler head, your deep love for Bauhaus and Mark Spitz, or your ability to finish a crossword by the 24th word.
If you’re going to get a significant other, it’s going to be because you met him/her in a face-to-face encounter where you told a bunch of lies about yourself. It’s not going to be because you were logged in to a lot of different forums and become friends with a bunch of people who really liked you. You’ll just need to get a little out of the comfort zone. This is not how you get out of it.
Go on Some Dates That Don’t Involve Anyone You Know.
When you think about it, a lot of people find dating intimidating. It’s not because we don’t want to date—we do! We just don’t want to go out on dates that are going to make people uncomfortable or where there is going to be pressure on both of you to have more serious conversations than you want to have. It’s more fun to discuss plans for your next spy mission than it is to talk about the weather.
Dating is like walking down the aisle—it’s about saying your vows and living together. It’s also about breaking a bunch of bad habits and doing things you might not feel like doing—like going to a show alone with someone you’ve just met for the first time.
So, pretend you’re a dude who has only dated a few girls. Don’t go to any shows in the area and don’t get drunk with friends. Go on some dates with people you don’t know. You don’t know what these people are like, but you’ve got a pretty good idea of yourself. And, if you’re open, they might have a pretty good idea of you too.
This is a really good way to meet a lot of people. A lot of the time, you’re the type of person who doesn’t get sick of meeting new people. Plus, you’ll look good—no one wants to https://ukraine-woman.net/best-ukrainian-hookup-apps-top-list-of-trusted-sites.html
Don’t let that “better” self, which you’re gonna be putting on like a mask for this date, get in the way of the real you and the message you’re sending. If you’re nervous, don’t think about it. Just stay in your own lane, and know that the people you’re dating won’t care. You could just barge in and be you, so there’s no reason to try and be someone else.
Having a drinking problem or not
If you’re a recovering alcoholic or just have a drinking problem, don’t drink alcohol. It’s hard, because lots of people will assume you’re drunk, but it’s not cool to get into situations with people you don’t know where you’ll be drinking and nobody will know you’re an alcoholic/have a drinking problem. Use the excuse that you have a medical reason (a hangover, for example) to use if anyone tries to talk to you about drinking. Don’t be afraid to stop the conversation with a somewhat direct, “I’m an alcoholic/I have a drinking problem” if that’s what you need to do. It’s OK to be honest about these things. You don’t have to say what caused it, but yes, you have a drinking problem and it’s something you can’t do without help and the right medication. You also don’t have to have been a lifelong alcoholic for it to be relevant—if you had one drunk night a year for two or three years, you could still have a problem. You’re not gonna be told that you’re the only person out there who has a drinking problem, but not everybody does. (And you’re so worth it.)
Something that you may have heard on your date but just don’t know how to do is rehearse. If you’re not sure what to talk about, rehearse what you’d like to talk about. If you talk about the weather or the baby who’s asleep in the backseat, you may have a problem. Obviously, you need to be yourself, but playing off of another person’s interests can be a good way to keep a conversation going. “So how’s the weather been?” “I’m not sure if you know this or not, but your sister is a really nice person.” “Yeah, she is. She’s been good to me.” This could be a fun and easy way to make a conversation go places.
How do you rehearse? Do you go online